The only way to know who you are in a romantic relationship is to be in a romantic relationship. You won't glean knowledge about how to become a great partner from observing another person's relationship.
Lover as Colonizer
When you use your lover as a reference point in order to compete, compare or attempt to overturn his government of your emotions, you have officially become colonized.
You thought you fell in love, but, in actuality, you fell in a vat of him.
The schedule, friendships and rituals that made you a healthy, sexy, vibrant person falls away as you seek to be one with your lover.
Being one doesn't mean you adopt him as life guru and chuck every aspect of your old life to please/impress/keep him.
Becoming a conjoined twin with your lover brings up all sorts of crazy. And none of the crazy is particularly appealing. Are you teacher/student, parent/child, prospective adopter/dog pound puppy or are you two individuals sharing your lives with one another?
Decolonization within a romantic relationship is not easy and the United Nations has not established a program to set up new boundaries/governments for you -- they only do that for territories.
However, you can slowly peel yourself off of your lover and his ways.
What was your daily wellness (mental/emotional/physical) ritual prior to your romantically codependent life?
Can you admire him without seeking to become him?
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