Dating Juan oh Juan, the insecure partner

Odilia Rivera-Santos

2. The insecure partner delves deep into your life and psyche to bring you down. This rabid little individual will focus on everything he/she believes you 'should' be doing and act as director in your life. Sometimes, this type plays God as well because as shim explains it, if you follow shim's directives, you will be rich, famous, happy and own a home with gold pipes.

The insecure partner focuses on your potential, your flaws, and your mistakes in order to avoid looking at shim's own potential, flaws, and mistakes.

This person doesn't have much going on and is very fearful. You, the stronger more motivated half of the relationship are the power source. But you have a finite amount of energy and can't afford to have it siphoned off by the insecure partner. Inequity in perceived power to act in the world will not allow anything good to come of the union.

You can renovate and flip houses, but not  people.

The insecure person attempts to raise his/her self-esteem by projecting their fear and lack motivation onto you. 

Let go, grasshoppa... Let go!


Buy my book here: Love When You Say Love

LovePost #9 losing integrity with every apology #OdiliaRiveraSantos

Every one of us has triggers, which make us do stupid things. Stupid is a valid word for this, most of the time -- unless you commit a crime in which case, you'd say a trigger made you antisocial. For the purposes of this blurb, I'll focus on the stupid, not the criminal.

Everyone had a childhood with its mixed bag of delightful and not so delightful events, and although we may delete the file, the patterns may persist.

Certain events, words or even a tone of voice can get you off track and back into the familiar pattern you've sworn to never live by again. 

Apologies abound.

It's easy to apologize and it can feel so grandiose. .. Like handing someone a bouquet of heirloom roses. Apologies, however, will not necessarily expunge your record in another's eyes -- especially if you've apologized for the same thing many times. 

How can you keep doing stupid stuff so you don't have to keep apologizing?

Silence is a good thing

Watch the trigger and let it roam around your mind.

Shut up and listen and remind yourself what year it is.

You may want to list situations, personality types, actions and words that trigger a stupid action on your part, ruminate, and destroy the evidence and impulse.

Integrity in a relationship increases as your apologies decrease. In love, be as kind in words as you are in actions and be generous with your admiration.

Buy my book here: Love When You Say Love

Love Post#2 - love yourself to be loved by Odilia Rivera-Santos

Love yourself to be loved
Find ways to become a person who is satisfied with your present life even as you head in a completely different direction. Love yourself in the middle of whatever transformation you may find yourself at this point in time. Some people are dealing with weight issues, addictions, financial  problems or family drama. Surround yourself with people who can be encouraging, empathize with your situation and offer constructive criticism. The worst time to find a mate is when you are feeling discouraged and depressed or not feeling optimistic. Your choice in a mate may reflect your lack of faith in yourself. And lack of faith in who you are is temporary. Consider working on your issues and loving yourself before you seek to be in a relationship. Instead of wondering what you'd have to offer a possible mate, ask yourself What do I have to offer myself? Am I taking great care of myself right now?

Dating forever

Know who you are.
You may be a person interested in a variety of partners and not in search of a longterm monogamous relationship; intimacy can be a very difficult thing for some people.
Maybe, you considered the idea of marriage or a serious relationship and were hurt. Somewhere along the line, you gave up on finding a special someone who could be your life partner and journey through life by your side, experiencing the highs and lows.
And then, there are those who have never been interested in a long-term monogamous relationship.
Know who you are and be honest with others about this. If you prefer a new 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' every week, this is part of your personality. Luckily for the serial dater, there are a million ways to meet people online and offline. Some people enjoy the first rush of lust-mistaken-for-love and move on as soon as the freshness of novelty fades.
You could choose to explore why you don't want a long-term monogamous relationship or just decide it's not for you. But it's good to be clear.

Finding a life partner 


Choosing a person to date can boost a fragile ego or demolish it; be careful to pair up with someone close to you in those areas in which you feel most vulnerable. Parity in a relationship is very important.
If you are an academic and date someone who can't get through a paperback, there will probably be some issues. The last thing you want in a relationship is to feel you must help boost someone's self-esteem, because at first, the encouragement will be appreciated and then, it will be resented.
No one wants to date his or her counselor or caretaker because the relationship will become more noticeably imbalanced. A partner is a person with whom you can grow emotionally, spiritually and intellectually. In a great romantic relationship, partners can mentor each other and support each other in successes and in failures. It is only natural that one person will be adept at handling certain situations the other person finds baffling. Love means continuous gentle encouragement, kindness and reciprocity between two self-actualized people. A self-actualized person has a strong sense of self, a strong small ego and offers as much as he or she is given.



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