Dating after the breakup of a relationship or semi-relationship? by Odilia Rivera-Santos

First, admit you know nothing about dating, and take a deep breath. Love is magic and happens in mysterious ways too advanced for our feeble mundane brains to control or understand.

You might meet the love of your life on a bus or at the laundromat, or on a dating site. The serial killer you've been warned about, when you go on a dating site, also takes the bus and does shim's own laundry.

Dating sites are interesting for a five to ten-minute read. 

They are well-orchestrated representations of the life a person hopes to lead: joyful, surrounded by great friends and family and financially prosperous as well. There is often an expensive red sports car in a man's profile, which is meant to connote danger, wealth, adventure and excitement. 

Then, there is the list of healthy personal attributes to which many of us aspire.
In creative visualization exercises, we are asked to write about what we would like to have,as if these things, people, personality traits, had already arrived to stay. 
I will have to check with Shakti Gawain's book about this, but I'm pretty sure that's how it works.
The healthy personal attributes list is great if they are not too far removed from where you are presently. And is the person or are you willing to work on yourself to get there?

Before you venture out onto the dating scene, consider sprucing yourself up a bit. 

Here are some pre-dating exercises before you dive back into the dating game. 

1. Write a list of your healthy personal attributes
2. Write a list of areas requiring work on your part. If you think you're perfect, use my rule: if three people, who don't know each other, have said it, explore it because 'it' might be true.
3. Write a plan of action regarding how you will address your special issues. Are you willing to go to therapy or a support group? Friends can listen but they can't play the role of therapist in your life.
4. What do you have to offer?
5. What are you looking for in the dating experience? 
6. Write a description of your perfect partner -- the one you could imagine living and traveling with. 
7. Make sure you clean up emotional baggage from your last relationship or semi-relationship.


If you enjoy your own company, and understand the difference between being alone and being lonely, you may be ready to date again.